Here are few things I would be more than thrilled to live without.  Keeping with the spirit of thanksgiving I’d be very grateful if you all took note…

• Natasha Bedingfield.  I’m all about expressing yourself without people passing judgment but really??? Who the hell gave her a record deal…they should be fired.  Immediately.  While I’m at it…add nickelback to that list…
• You are not too cool to use your turn signal.  Promise.
• People that flip the tables on you to make it look like it was your idea in the first place.  no it wasn’t m$%therf*#cker. man up.
• Ending a sentence with a preposition, particularly the word “at”.  While we’re on the subject of speech allow me to add bad grammar in general. 
• People picking their nose in the privacy of their own car.  Leave them alone. Who cares.  I do it when I’m thinking…you’re breaking my thought process when you yell “get it”.  You live your life, I’ll live mine. 
• When someone thinks you have no clue what’s really going on.  Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe I don’t think you’re worth it? Maybe I don’t think proving my point and turning your words on you is even worth the satisfaction it would normally bring?
• If you care to share something funny, sentimental, important etc. with me…email it, send me the link or let me read your phone myself.  I cannot follow you when you read out loud to me…no matter how many times you repeat yourself.  never was good at story time…
• I don’t give a shit if lady gaga is a man or woman. Her music sucks regardless.  In fact, I don’t care what any celebrity is or isn’t, does or doesn’t…please don’t fill me in.  If I care to develop a sick fascination with someone else’s life I can access tmz myself…which I won’t. ever.
• Elevator Etiquette. Here’s something to think on…why not try waiting AT LEAST 3 seconds before you barge into the elevator.  Did it ever occur to you there may be people trying to get off first??
• Most of you know my major issues with deli people.  For those who don’t…here you go.  99.9% of them are the rudest individuals I have ever met.  If you don’t like the pre cut slices of meat & cheese consider your day fucked.  I’ve tried the whole “kill them with kindness” route…it DOES NOT WORK.   Finally I started treating them the same way…hate to do it…karma and all…but enough is enough.  This is the only time in my life I can say “you give what you get”…any other situation I think that statement is complete bullshit.
• While we’re on the subject of things that go in baggies…I cannot stand when people zip up zip lock bags and leave a bunch of air in them. Stop!  I don’t want to open something that has fermented into a slimy germ infested replica of what it once was because it’s been sitting in stale air for days. I don’t know if this is something that actually happens however, in my mind it absolutely does.  *shudder*.
• When people tell you “this isn’t what you need”, “it’s not good for you”, “it’s not what you’re looking for”, “you’ll be much better off”…ok…fuck you.  seriously.  I’ve heard this in business, relationships, from friends, strangers giving advice…BLAH.  Who are you to know what I need in my life.  Thank you very much but no thank you.  Those words are the equivalent of “I don’t have enough balls between my legs to tell you what’s really on my mind”.  Grow a back bone…I’m not that stupid or naïve.  It’s insulting. 
• Bathroom stuff.  #1 Towels:  I have never understood why people need a new one after each shower.  I get swapping after a few days but isn’t the whole purpose of a shower to clean yourself? And aren’t you using your towel AFTER you get out of the shower? Someone please clear this one up for me.  #2: toilet paper: please put the roll on so when you pull it it rolls over the top, not under the bottom.  Does this make sense? Also, change the roll if you use the last square. 
• Lip syncing. Ask anyone that knows me…my longest lasting love affair is with music.  I sing when my voice could do some serious damage to surrounding ear drums…I mouth the words when I’m in the mood to save myself some embarrassment…I get it…you’re feeling it.  When you don’t know the words…please OH PLEASE stop pretending you do.  Do you really think no one notices? We know when you’re skimming the words or turning your head at certain moments…just listen…it’s ok.  We know you like the song…which leads me to my next complaint….
• People that mouth the words as they read.  Sorry guys…while your head is bent engaged in whatever it is your reading I’m staring you down urging you mentally to STOP before I explode.  No reason in particular…just drives me up the effing wall.
• I’m not glass, I’m not a child, I’m not sugar. I won’t break…I won’t melt.  Tell me how it is. I’ll respect you more.  Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear, don’t ease me into anything, don’t tell me you are just trying to protect me…I’m stronger than I let on and stronger than you think.
• Couples that fight in public.  I shouldn’t have to go into depth on this one.  Just don’t do it.  You look absolutely ridiculous. 
• Metal scraping against metal.  If I’m at the table with you, I beg you…PLEASE do not scrape your knife and fork together.  If you want to get rid of me here’s the easiest way…scrape your fork against your teeth.  No joke.  I have to leave the table.  Only with my strongest will power have I ever been able to sit through a meal with someone that does the teeth against the utensil thing.  *CRINGE*
• When I’m done with something…I’m done.  If you missed the boat…sorry…you had your chance. If you have doubt about the role your ego is playing or what you really want I’d suggest figuring your issues out while my door is still open…after that it doesn’t open again…I cannot stand games or uncertainty.  Game over…maybe we both loose.
• If I’m with you in the car or any other confined space…don’t have a 10 minute phone conversation unless absolutely necessary.  Rudest thing ever.  I don’t do it to people…don’t do it to me. 
• If you’re behind me in line, next to me at the bar or anywhere else for that matter do NOT rub up on me…if you have the space to be at least 2 body widths away from me…take it. When you hug me do not hold me for longer than 2 seconds, place your hand anywhere lower than the middle of my back, sigh into my neck, turn your face towards mine, pull away and try to look me in my eyes while still attached me somewhere, push your pelvis against whatever part of my body is at the same height, let your hand linger on the small of my back, or release me slowly.  Personal space if you please. 
• I cannot STAND it when people talk during a movie.  I’m not even talking about a theater here…I mean any movie.  I’m watching something.  Zip it. 

I’ll finish off with a brief list…this is getting really long.

• grocery carts with a wheel that won’t turn or roll.
• girls with really high pitched baby voices/girls that think it’s cute to talk baby
• when someone is talking to me and doesn’t look me in the eyes
• blue tooth headsets.  Use when necessary. They do not make you look important.
• most pet owners
• ed hardy
• girls that refuse to wear clothing that fits them. I suggest purchasing a mirror and using it.
• someone asking for my opinion then disagreeing with me.  Really? Why waste my time asking in the first place.
• political, religious or anything of the sort conversations. There are a very select few I will talk about this with. I can almost guarantee you are not one of them. 
• when people put water in the soap dispenser.  Pisses me the eff off. Just buy new soap.  Try the dollar store if you’re low on cash.

CAR STUFF: 

• If there’s no sign saying not to…you can turn on red. 
• People that get gas and park somewhere in the middle leaving you inches away from the pump reaching your car.  SCOOT THE FUCK UP. 
• There is a difference between yield and merge.  Know it.
• If you have no brake lights I can’t see you stopping. 
• Are you going to cut me off at some point? Your blinker certainly says so…for the last FIVE miles.

Happy Holidays.