your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.

I have decided to make a bucket list (a list of things to do before you die). I have made one before and never did anything with it. This time around I am determined to get started on accomplishing my list, especially since 2012 isn’t too far off. And yeah, a tiny little part of me believes in that shit, but anyway… I have decided to share my list with you, the world wide web. If anything on my list grabs your attention and makes you think, “Hell yeah, I’d do that!”; then please let me know and we can do it together! I mean if Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman can partner up then why can’t me and you!?

Okay, so here’s the thing…

I started making my bucket list… I really did. I got about 5 things on there, then I stopped. Part of me was like wow, my goals are just…average, which was very unsettling. Another part of me (a big part of me) was like why am I even doing this?! I was limiting myself, setting unrealistic goals, or applying mass amounts of pressure. And yeah, all that came with just 5 tiny bullet points. So I stopped and threw away my list, sat back for a moment trying to decide to start over or just forget the whole thing.

I decided to do the most rational thing I could think of… live my life.

I don’t need a set list, staring back at me waiting to for things to be marked off. I don’t need my own words haunting me day in and day out. I just need to take this life day by day but I totally don’t disagree with the whole idea of having one. So I am compromising and for the sake of the original idea of this blog, I give you my bucket list….

• To be happy…

any sound will do.

Alright, so the music scene is picking up these days. Apparently December is the month for shows, which makes my outfit choices very difficult since I hate wearing coats. But anyway… here’s the run down.

Wednesday, December 9th at 9 pm the lovely band The Vintage Union is playing at Birdy’s Bar and Grill. Along with The Working Hour and Sam Eakins and the Awkwards. I will admit that The Vintage Union holds a special place in my heart since my lover is the bass player but even if he wasn’t I’d still enjoy their music. It’s very catchy with smooth sounds of classic rock, pop, folk and blues fused together to deliver lyrics inspired by friends, family, and everyday life. Everyone should come see this show; $5 to get in but the enjoyment you’ll receive is priceless.

Then on Thursday one of my favorite local bands America Owns the Moon is playing a free show at Locals Only in Broad Ripple with opening act Invaders.  Doors open at 8, and I recommend getting there then. If the facebook event page confirmed guest list is true the show will be packed. I promise you this it’s well worth standing shoulder to shoulder with strangers to see America Owns the Moon. I have never left a show of theirs without a smile on my face.

On Satruday night the amazing local country artist, Corey Cox is playing at 8 Seconds Saloon on the westside. The show starts at 10 pm. I have personally seen Corey perform numerous times and I will continue to support him throughout his career. His show’s are fast paced, and a crowd pleaser so you definitely don’t want to miss it. Plus 8 Seconds is an amazing bar! It’s amazing to watch the country line dancers!

And just so it’s clear, all venues listed in this post are 21+!

On another note, in the words of Waylon Jennings and Big Bird…

I found out a long time ago
You gotta learn to say “yes” when life says “no”
Don’t dwell on the bad times once they’re past
That kind of thinking gets you nowhere fast

‘Cause there ain’t no mountain you can’t climb
If you hang on tight and just make up your mind
Once you set your heart to movin’ on
Son, there ain’t no road too long.

Quoting a children’s movie might seem cheesy but there is a profound message to learn here and to live by. After watching Sesame Street Presents: Follow That Bird, I heard this song and it instantly made me realize nothing will get better if you just sit around waiting. You have to get up and fight for the days when the grass will be greener. So whenever times are bad and you are down on your luck, remember boys and girls… there ain’t no road too long.

Whew, it has definitely mean a long while since I have posted anything here. Shit, it has been a while since I have had a minute to sit and gather my thoughts without feeling sorry for myself, crying, getting pissed off or feeling dumb about them. I never want to use my blog as the location of my own self absorbed pity party; so I neglected it, which is just as wrong. But I am back, and am looking forward to things instead of dwelling on the bad.

I have promised in the past to focus on the great music scene in Indianapolis, and with tomorrow being First Friday there couldn’t be a better time to start. 

First Friday in Indy is a great way to get out and see the local arts and music scene. Jaimie and myself have lots of events to attend to tomorrow night including our amazing friend and very talented photographer Polina Osherov’s photography show. IndySwank is hosting Polina’ opening of Rapunzel in Fountain Square’s Murphy Art Center from 6-9 pm.

After we attend Polina’s show we are heading to Talbott Street Nightclub’s First Friday Femme, which you can learn more about on Identity’s blog page.

I know, I know… none of these things are really about music. Well one of my favorite bands… local or not… is playing tomorrow night as well. And I am sad that I will miss it but I am very sure for those who attend will have a wonderful time. Jascha is playing at The Vogue in Broad Ripple with Reverend Peyton’s Big Damn Band, and Joey Welch (Born Again Floozies). The show is $10 to get in, and I promise it’s well worth it! I will be doing a bigger piece on Jascha in the future but for now check them out on their myspace page.

Plus many more blogs coming up, tons of events to attend, and hopefully some funny stories to share! Get ready!!!

Here you go folks! Another piece of the complicated yet sincere Ms. Jaimie Rae. We asked and answered the same questions, funny how alike we actually are in most ways. Must be soulmates.   Read on and be sure to check mine out on Jaimie’s page! (Bare with her, bless her heart she can’t make any of her thoughts come across simply, just another thing I love about her).

What has been your biggest let down in life?

Selfishness.  It’s the core of almost, if not every, let down I’ve ever experienced…not only just other peoples but my own as well. When I think about let downs I’ve had they all boil down to that one thing…utter selfishness.  Done to me or done by me.

You’re in a movie. You have a sex scene…what song is playing and what is the situation that got you there?

Hahhahaha…god. how do you answer a question like this on the spot. Hmmm. Ok. Here’s my “situation”. Theres a guy (obviously) something happened…he walked away from me…maybe I got scared…and maybe…just maybe I was pushing him away to see if he cared enough to fight for me.  Weeks pass…maybe even months.  I try to move on with my life…realizing that obviously he didn’t care…that I wasn’t worth fighting for…(now here’s where it may get a bit cliché) it’s night.  I’m walking home…it’s raining…thoughts of him are still beating around in my head…just can’t let go of him…let go of the fact that he could let me walk out of his life so easily…I arrive at my door…he’s there…waiting for me in the rain.  We lock eyes…no words are spoken…there’s no need for them…everything that needs to pass between us could never be said with words.  He stands up, brushes my hair back from my face so he can see my eyes…takes my hand in his…kisses me…and in we go…you can take it from there…

As for songs…i can’t pick one…but here’s a list of what would play throughout this whole montage. Beginning to end

** add something from iron & wine in there and ANYTHING Damien Rice.

Ryan Adams: Come Pick Me Up

Ryan Adams: Desire

Ray LaMontagne: Jolene

Rolling Stones: Wild Horses

Ryan Adams: Blossom

Ray LaMontagne: I Still Care For You

Cold Play: Green Eyes

Bright Eyes: First Day Of My Life

These songs play out everything EXCEPT the sex scene…I can’t say what that would be…it’s not fun if you have everything figured out

If that’s too boring (or mushy) for you…there’s always this scene…passionate something or other…the song to do the “scene” to would be My Superman by Santigold.  Don’t know why…has always hit me as a great sex song.  haha

What is the hardest thing in life you’ve had to face?

Hearing fragments of the doctors voice as she told me my son has type 1 diabetes.  I’ll never forget that moment. Sitting in the dark hospital room, Christian holding my hand looking at me, trying to figure out what was going on. I remember the buzz inside my head…only hearing the word “diabetes” out of a 5 minute speech …crying harder than I ever have inside and trying to swipe silent tears from my cheeks and muffle sobs before he could see or hear them…seeing the confusion and fear on my sons face. I have never felt, sorrow, anger or been scared like that in my life.  Today, it’s still the hardest thing…knowing all the side effects that happen to someone that fights this disease their whole life…no parent ever wants to know that one day in the future their child will have serious medical issues…

If you were to have your own perfume fragrance what would the name be?

No clue.  I only wear one kind…I’d steal their scent and call it…”just me”…haha that’s stupid…I have no idea.  Maybe…without wax.  Yeah…shit no…that’s stupid too.  I’m stumped.  Sorry. Next. 

How do you think people view you? Who do they see when they see you?

Ugghhh…going deep today aren’t we?? How do people view me? I can’t say for sure.  I don’t know that anyone can answer this question accurately.  All I can do is relay what I’ve gathered the past 28 years.  I’ll start with girls.  I’m really intimidated by them.  When I’m in a group of girls I close up and get really insecure. I always automatically assume they don’t like me or they’re judging me. (never claimed I don’t have issues). Anyhow…in conversations with girl friends of mine they say that I come off intimidating & bitchy…unapproachable.  This I would contribute to my actions when I get around them.  Guys: this is much easier to answer.  A piece of ass.  Wish I could say more about how guys view me but that sums it up.  It’s like there’s this invisible barrier somewhere in between what’s presented to the world (my exterior) and the depths of who I am. They can never seem to get inside me even if the door is standing wide open. Like their brain shuts off somewhere between pretending to want to get to know me and wanting to sleep with me.  They play the game of saying all the right things…then…yeah…just a piece of ass. The girl to want…never to love.

How I think people view Jaimie

I think people are imtimidated by her beauty and strength. And don’t completely ‘get’ her, they judge her too quickly and don’t take the time to understand her. Some of this is her fault because she doesn’t initially give herself up too quickly. Some people take that as her being a bitch but its really because her heart has been broken too many times.

What is your “issue”? Your own personal demon? Something you’ve struggled with your whole life?

Ahhhh….a million dollar question. One answer, that can’t be explained in a few short words.(I’ll apologize in advance for the length of this answer.) My belief in people.  It’s been a source of a lot of pain my entire life.  No matter what I’ve been through in the past, for some reason there’s this massive part of me that continues to believe in the good of people.  It burns me every time and almost ALWAYS leaves me kicking myself in the ass because I was stupid enough (once again) to believe in them.  It is my biggest personal struggle.  For some reason, no matter what happens to me, eventually I bounce back like a child and forget to put my guard up.  I believe that someone is going to do what they say they will, that they care for me as much as they say they do, that they’ll be there tomorrow.  I believe when someone tells me they’re going to do something…I believe when someone tells me they believe in me…I believe them when they tell me they’ll be honest with me…the list goes on…I never see ulterior motives and…of course…they’re always there.  I only see them after, as I’m picking myself up and trying to put the pieces back together.  I believe in the good of people…and I hate myself for it.  I want so badly to remember my scars & keep everyone at a distance…but…I just can’t ever seem to get there…why…because it scares me.  It scares me to know that if I really thought about everything life has handed me I would never be able to love…never be able to care, to cry, to laugh from my soul.  I would never appreciate or see the beautiful moments life gives me.  I don’t want to miss any of that…so…I fight a constant battle with myself.  I want to believe in happy ever afters…in friends that will always be true…in lovers that say only what is real…in people that see me FOR WHO I REALLY AM…I want to believe that when someone tells you you bring them hope, that they like being good to you, they mean it…I want to believe that people won’t just disappear from your life taking a piece of you with them when they go. One day it might be enough…that day may come when I go cold…when I can’t bring myself to believe…but until then, I’ll continue to fight…to hope…this is my demon…my battle…

hoping for a taste of fame.

I’ve been slacking on my blog. Things have been hectic but I shouldn’t make excuses. So here’s a little diddy of an update. Kind of like a slew of thoughts.

I’ve realized that I will never be a sunrise kind of person. I just can’t seem to get the hang of waking before to catch it rise. Sunsets are always much more intense or at least I like to think so. They are good enough for me. …Kings of Leon and Wolfmother can still get me through any day. Jascha is slowly catching up to do the same….I wish we had the relationship we use to have….I spend so much time on my blackberry that now when I am typing on a regular keyboard I always use the shift key to try to type a period. Gets super annoying….I have a great boyfriend who I love dearly….I would love to go to Vegas to see Garth Brooks in concert, and I am not ashamed of it….When I want to be I can be very poetic, other times I can seem very unitelligent even though I’m not. ….I’m dreading Christmas big time….I have now had the best mexican food of my life from El Sol in Indianapolis…. Today is just a sweatpants kind of day….I’m ready to take the next step….I absolutely HATE when the connection to Pandora is lost….I hope someone found this interesting, I feel better after getting somethings off my mind……It’s time to shit or get off the pot.

So it’s that time again… here’s another round of questions that the lovely Jaimie Rae answered for me that I would love to share with the world. Get to know her a little better….she’s well worth it.

 6. Rainy days or snowy winter days?

Both.  I’ll take either for a 7-12 day max.  not big into winter but down with a cabin in the mountains, fireplace crackling with a blizzard outside….rainy days spent listening to incredible music with the windows open…don’t hate either of those and can’t choose just one

7. If on death row, what would your last meal be?

Caprese.  I have shared so many wonderful moments with so many outstanding people in my life eating caprese salad… 

8 If you could strengthen one relationship in your life, which would it be?

Wow. A bit deep don’t’cha think? In all honesty I can’t think of anyone in particular. About 95% of me feels if the relationship isn’t there naturally, there is a deeper more spiritual reason it’s not. People are in your life for a reason…you don’t always get to choose what that reason is.  If it was strong and it fades…its time to move on.  Live and let live. My other 5% recognizes there are some people worth fighting for…

 9.How do you tell the difference between lust and love?

Wow…ummm…the difference between lust and love…

Ok…completely honest. I don’t know that you can really tell the difference between lust and love until one of two things happen: #1: the end of the relationship.  After the smoke has cleared and you realize you can pick up the pieces and move the fuck on without a second glance back…you weren’t in love…that my darling, was lust.  It’s powerful isn’t it??  #2: you’ve been with someone for decades. You would give your life for them, you would let them walk away from you if you thought it would make them happy. you do all the same things you did when you were in lust except it’s LOVE. You realize at some point the lust turned into pure unconditional selfless love.  I think lust is a more gripping emotion than love by far.  It ignites passion, emotions, sex, fights, laughter, glances, touches, words…it makes you loose your effing mind.  Lust is an amazing feeling…personally I don’t think you can have love without lust. Ahh to be in lust….

 10. What is your “pick me up” song of all time? The one that can get you through anything.

I can’t think of just one song.  What I listen to and how it affects me is totally dependant on where I am in life. Bright eyes, Damine Rice, KOL, NIN, The New Familiars, Modest Mouse, Mickey Avalon, The Black Keys, George Strait.. all have been a soundtrack to my life at some point or another.

11. If you could do anything in the entire world without any chance of failure what would you do?

Exactly what I’m doing. I’ve never been scared of failure. In a sense , I’m almost naïve about taking chances.  I never think twice about things, I just do them.  There’s nothing I wouldn’t do because of fear of failure, its all part of life and living.  Without failure there is no room to grow…failure is a part of who we are, it builds our character, teaches us lessons and allows us to recognize bluer skies when we’re standing under them…

I am afraid that my last post put too much of a negative feel on Indianapolis. I mean I know every city has its ups and downs, and I definitely shined a light on the down side. Especially since I am usually defended this city from those who say there is never anything to do and that this place is way too boring. So to try to erase some guilt I am going to highlight some great things about Indy from time to time. Mostly focusing on the music scene. And yes, you non-believers, there is one. So stay tuned and make sure your volume is up. You don’t want to miss some great up and coming acts that I will be featuring!

Indianapolis is becoming digusting, dirty, and depressing. This past weekend me and the lover went for a stroll (which turned more into a journey) and discovered tons of unappealing things on the way. Trash everywhere first of all! It amazes me that people can still throw their garbage down on the ground when within the block there is always a trash can. If you are driving it’s even more rude, put your damn trash in your car until you get out then throw it away. Really, how hard is that!?

Rats. Big nasty digusting RATS! Not only are there rats the size of my chiweenie running around Indy, we saw at least 5 dead ones. Not in the road, but on the sidewalk! The sidewalk!! My stomach turns just thinking about it. It looks like the homeless people smashed them up and threw them to the side. Which I’ll admit that if I was homeless I’d kill them instead of letting them crawl on me but yet again… there are trashcans EVERYWHERE downtown.

Speaking of the homeless I think the city should provide Port-a-Potties every couple blocks or something. These people are using the restroom on the streets. Literally. We passed piles of shit. I know that some people think these homeless people could get their act together and get jobs but honestly these days it’s hard just to keep the one you have, let alone get a new one.

Something needs to change in this city. Maybe then tourists would come to it more often. Spend more money here, providing people more job opportunities. I’m going to be completely honest, I never stopped before to worry about the health of our city. At least not enough to rant about it. But this is only going to get worse if we don’t take action. I will be doing my research to try to find ways to change things, and until then you better believe my trash will be in a trash bin and my shit will be in a toilet.

And yours better be too…

that wants to rule the world,

any time or place.

So as we all know, I’m a dreamer. Big time. From as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a million different things when I grew up. And honestly as far as I am concerned 24 is NOT grown up but I have choosen a few to follow. 

My feet are wet within the fashion industry, and believe me I’m  ready to dive head first. I’ve gotten a taste of photography…I’ve never been hungier in my life. I’ve spent my morning watching the ocean on Venice Beach and realized the salt soaked air is perfect for my hair.

My dreams are now my goals. And hopefully soon enough my life.

Lately, I have been trying to teach myself the ways of Photoshop. At first it was purely a hobby. Something to clear my mind and to fix up some pictures I’ve taken for social networks and such. Now it’s becoming a passion. So I wanted to share with you all one of my favorites.

Stella

Alexander McQueen has stolen my heart and soul and turned them into the perfect pair of booties. The Pelle booties are ahh-mazing. Especially since they can be worn two different ways! I really love them buttoned down, very biker-chic. Like a leather jacket on my feet. I will be saving my pennies and wishing for them everyday! Maybe someone would help me out?? (hint hint boyfriend)

*I realize I am a little behind on posting about these, which I saw in Zink Magazine’s September issue but I loved them so much I had to post them anyway.